Why Can’t Some Humans Say Sorry
One of our struggles as an evolving species.
First of all, I’d like you all to congratulate me on getting 100 followers. I now just need to figure out how to set up a stripe account from Morocco so I can start making some $$ from Medium!
Lately, I have been trying to be more open to discussing my feelings and processing my emotions. Although it’s been a bit hard to feel every feeling and analyze every thought, it feels good to know why I feel a certain way or why I think a certain thought.
During each analysis process, I notice a lot about myself and learn so much about the effects my upbringing had on me. For example, I wasn’t shown a lot of verbal affection so it’s hard for me to give it back. I feel icky when it comes to expressing good feelings such as love because I didn’t get a lot of it as a child. I was loved, but my family didn’t express that love verbally. I hope that makes sense.
Another thing I noticed is that I can’t easily say I’m sorry especially when I mean it. When I noticed the difficulty I have with apologizing, it took me a while to figure out why. Yes, you guessed it right! I grew up in an environment where people didn’t apologize, they just start being super nice to you and you eventually forgive them or forget what you were hurt by in the first place.
I’m trying to break this cycle by admitting I was wrong and eventually apologizing. It’s incredibly difficult but at least I’m trying.
A couple of weeks ago, I was hanging out with my cousin’s toddlers and I noticed that the older brother doesn’t like to apologize when he fights with his younger sister. On the other hand, the sister apologizes immediately and tries to rectify her action by being more affectionate. I ran to their mom and advised her to teach the boy to apologize more as it’ll be part of his personality when he grows up. He’s only 4 so he still has time to work on his feelings.
It’s critical to be able to apologize when you have to as you might ruin great relationships with this toxic habit. It’s also important to acknowledge that you did something wrong that requires an apology. I lost a friend because she couldn’t admit she hurt my feelings with her actions. That sucked but I’m ok with it now!
In conclusion, some people find it hard to apologize because of the way they grew up. Nevertheless, this can be fixed if we work on our feelings and try to understand why we feel the way we feel. It’s also helpful to know the root of each problem we have.
What’s good about identifying the root of our emotions, as adults, is that we can be better parents (assuming we don’t let this species die with us). We can work with our kids to make sure they don’t make the same mistakes we did. We’ll break the cycle of toxic feelings and unchecked emotions.
There are a lot of things we need to work on if we want the next generation to be better than us. We need to admit that the previous generations made huge mistakes when it comes to raising kids and that we are capable of doing better and of being better parents. Hopefully, we can make our species suck a bit less.
Let’s not forget that some people don’t like to apologize because deep down they don’t feel as if they’ve done something wrong. They were raised in an environment that allowed them to get away with anything. So as adults, they somehow lost all sense of right and wrong. They would look you in the eye and swear that they didn’t do anything bad, that you overreacted, and that you are the problem, not them. Let’s just say that we don’t respect this kind of people.
Until next time, apologize when you should.
PS: go read my book, merci!