Trying A Dating App During A Global Pandemic

Let the horny games begin.

About a year ago, the world was hit in the face with the pandemic of the century (they will put us down in history as the lazy people who couldn’t stay home). Most people turned to the internet to fill the void of lack of social interactions.

I, myself, was one of those people, but not because I missed the social connection with the world but because I was bored.

At first, I did my four puzzles for the first two months of quarantine (they were 500 and 1000 pieces). Then, I turned to TV shows (watched about 20). Then movies (up to three movies a day). Then I read two books (boo me, but in my defense, I cannot read at home, I have a loud family). Then I wrote a novel. Then the world lost meaning (so many thens).

When my days became my nights and my nights became my days, I had to figure out something fun to do; I remembered I had already a dating app on my phone (for legal reasons I can’t say why). I updated my profile and started swiping again (swiper no swiping, did you know Dora was blind? I feel bad for all the shit I used to shout at the TV).

I am a fun person to talk to, I bring up interesting subjects and I read a lot which makes me a genius (it’s the rules! Duh). So I did not have any trouble meeting interesting people. However, some people were problematic.

Even during a global Parmesan, some people (may God bless their soul and give them their sanity back) wanted to meet. I thought I had found the one, then he asked me to meet and when I refused (because of the Pandora!!!!) he ghosted me (may he become a ghost soon).

I don’t understand why some individuals don’t know or pretend to not know, the seriousness of this Paypal, if you don’t want to be careful and stay safe that’s your problem but please stay home and take a goddamn shower, I can smell you through the screen.

What pained me was how cool that person was. We genuinely connected, but now that I look back at it, I realize I ignored so many red flags and wasted my time (I would like one lawsuit to go, please).

Since then, I have been on and off repeatedly on the app (Bumble, sponsor me and I will do a full review. Also, thank you for the yellow theme).

It’s not fair to mention the bad without talking about the good side, I became friends with interesting and amazing people:

• People who read for fun like me.
• People who watch the office and actually get the joke (it’s funny if you pay attention and don’t wait for the crowd to laugh).
• People who have dogs (how does it feel like to have cool parents?).
• People who draw for fun (I would like to place an order for one naked portrait, please).
• People who send you memes instead of cheesy pickup lines (there is a special place in my heart for you).

And none of them asked to meet!!!! How cool is that??

If I start talking about the good side of dating apps, I won’t stop (but Ehssan, you have already talked about it. I know, shut up!).

It’s ok to go online wanting to meet new people and form new friendships, after all, I met most of my close friends online (the distance sucks) and no one expects anything from you in return. There is an app (that I won’t name but you all know it) that was very respected and known until people started using it as a hook-up site and it became horrible (for me personally as I wasn’t interested in a playdate).

There will always be someone who will ask a very inappropriate question and make you very uncomfortable (which is why they made the block button), and there will be people with the funniest bios ever.

I do my best to choose the funniest bio for my profile, I currently have one that says: On our first date, I will carve our names on a tree, that’s how you will find out I have knives.

Let me tell you what I did once! I convinced someone (who asked to meet during a Polaya Smolaya) that I had a 3-year-old daughter and that it was my turn to have her for the weekend because her dad and I are divorced! He BELIEVED ME, thankfully he didn’t ask for pictures (I would have sent him my baby pictures though).

You can use dating apps, not just for dating; I use them to have fun! You get to make jokes with strangers and you don’t have to fake laugh when they say a lousy joke because they can’t see you! (thanks to masks, I can do that in public too). I recommend you try it (the app not the fake laughing)

My good friends, this week’s blog reached the end (I had so much fun writing it because I laughed at my own jokes! Bless me). Let me know if you have a fun/wild story about dating apps, I will gladly share it.

Take good care of yourself, and stay inside. We are in the middle of a Popcorn. See you next week (or not hahaha).