Stop Being Nice
It’s time you become selfish
I have always considered myself a nice person. I was always available when others needed me. I was willing to walk through fire for people I barely know just to get them what they need. This need to please others cost me a lot. So I decided to become selfish, and it feels good.
First of all, let’s get on the same page. Being selfish ≠ being a bad person. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean stepping over others just for your comfort. It also doesn't mean not helping others when you can.
Now that we got that out of the way, let me tell you why you should be selfish and how you can do it, especially if you’re a people-pleaser.
Why Should I Stop Being Nice?
Well, my little munchkins, let me tell you a story and you will get why you should stop being nice.
As I mentioned before, I have always considered myself a nice person. I go out of my way to please others, and I even let people walk all over me.
Someone I used to be friends with once asked to help him edit his resume. That was a simple task for me since I took courses and resume building, and I really wanted to help him.
Little did I know that I should’ve said no the first time and saved myself the trouble. The favors he started asking were getting bigger and bigger, and I couldn’t say no (I should’ve, I know) because I felt bad for him.
At some point, I was making his project reports. Spending hours glued to my screen while he slept peacefully. Let’s just say I blocked him years ago so we are all good.
It’s crucial you prioritize your own well-being and sanity. If being too nice is causing you to neglect your own needs or leading to burnout, it may be necessary to set healthy boundaries and practice self-care.
Ok, How Can I Stop Being Nice?
It’s so easy to just say no. And remember that no is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain your refusal to anyone. I’ve talked about this before in an article about Why Can’t Some Humans Say Sorry.
Learn to say “no” when necessary and assertively communicate your needs, opinions, and boundaries to others. Practice assertive communication skills, such as using “I” statements, expressing your feelings and needs, and being firm but respectful in your communication.
You should also make sure to prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. This includes setting aside time for self-care activities, managing stress, and practicing self-compassion.
Trust me when I say this, saying no is so uncomfortable and awkward, but you have to get over it and stand your ground. It’s important to recognize that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable and that it’s part of the process of change.
To do it right, I advise you to start with small steps in situations where you feel comfortable and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations. This could be with friends, family, colleagues, or other people in your life who take advantage of you.
Once you set up your boundaries, your social circle will start noticing, some will hate it and leave, and some will respect you even more and support your assertiveness.
It will be hard and painful to set up boundaries with those you love. Changing behavior takes time and effort, so be patient with yourself as you work towards being less nice and more assertive. Acknowledge your progress and celebrate small victories along the way
It’s also important to note that being overly selfish and neglecting the needs of others can harm relationships and lead to negative consequences. Balancing kindness towards others with self-care is important.
Remember, finding the right balance between being nice and assertive is a personal journey, and it’s okay to make mistakes or have setbacks. It’s important to be kind to yourself and keep working towards your goal of setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing your own well-being. If you’re struggling, consider seeking support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can provide guidance and encouragement.
Once I started putting myself first, I started feeling more relaxed and peaceful. I overcame the guilt of saying no quite fast. I’m only nice when I can be nice. Does that make sense? Anyway!
Until next time, be selfish.
Also read: 4 Books to Read After a Breakup
Make sure to check out: Skincare Routine of a Lazy Non-Makeup-Wearing Person
