I Have Built Up Anger

And it’s making its way out.

Anger is a normal and healthy reaction in humans and even animals. Some people cry when they are angry, some sleep, some smash walls and some kill.

However, It’s not normal to let your anger take over you because it can be blinding sometimes, and there is nothing worse than saying something destructive and regretting it later. That’s why I repress my anger.

I can’t remember the last time I lashed out at anyone. I tend to keep all of my emotions inside; although I express happiness freely. But I believe that’s just my way of showing people I’m mentally fine.

When I get angry; and I do all the time; I don’t show it. I would grind my teeth, pierce my nails into my palm or bite the inside of my cheeks and no one would notice. There is nothing worse than wanting to let the people who hurt you know how much you are angry but not being able to. It feels shitty to be emotionally oppressed, trust me.

I studied my past to figure out where did the troubles start, and I pointed out the exact date my world turned upside down. I was heartbroken and angry at the same time and I didn’t get to let it out; I haven’t to this day. I know that in order to work on my anger; I need to face the source, but I don’t want to, I’m too emotionally tired to do that.

I’m the kind of person who would hurt you with words and I always know what would hurt you, it is one of my traits. But I don’t want to harm anyone the way I was harmed, so I keep it in. I let it eat me from the inside. I’d rather hurt myself than see someone I love in pain because of something I said.

The best thing that has helped me so far is writing about my anger. Instead of sending you a long text full of hate, I would write it down on a piece of paper. It works every time and I move on. There is definitely a notebook full of hate towards all the people I love laying somewhere (let’s hope no one finds it).

I lately have been compiling that anger and using it on my novel. Whenever I have a sad/angry chapter to write, I recall of the angry moments I have ignored in the past and use them to write the best chapters ever! (Yes, I’m writing a novel (: )

Why am I telling you this? To show you that anger can be controlled, you don’t have to lash out on the people you love because of some minor argument. There are ways to control your anger; ignoring them isn’t one, and you definitely shouldn’t keep it all in, someday you will burst and lose everyone you love in the process. (just like what happened when Wanda was grieving).

Until next week, stay calm.