How To Stop Being Negative.

Notes from “Beyond Negative Thinking” by J.T.Martorano & J.P.Kidahl.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been reading a book about reclaiming your life through optimism and eventually getting your shit together. It was very helpful as it contained basic techniques that I would have never thought about.

Like most human beings, I am mentally unstable and I tend to only see the negative side of life. I believe that if I follow what this book taught me, I can change my perspective on life and eventually become better.

Being negative does nothing but ruin your life. No matter how successful you think you are, if you have a negative mindset you will die from the inside out.

As I was reading the book, I kept writing down notes, quotes, and some thinking techniques that train your inner speech. I’ll stop rambling and get on to it!

• “The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.”- John Milton.
• “With negative thoughts, who needs enemies?”
• “You are what you think, you also have the right and the wherewithal to direct your thinking into channels that work for you. It’s your mind.”
• “At least 90% of our problems are self-generated by the thoughts we think.”
• “Some parents, however well-meaning they were, left us with fears and guilts that do not help us at all as adults.”
• “There is no sense in worrying about things you can’t help.”
• “My inner destructive voice really doesn’t do me any good. I can turn in on a more helpful voice.”
• “I’ll lay myself down and bleed awhile, and rise and fight again” -Scottish poem.
• “Loss is at the heart of the feeling of depression, and danger is at the heart of the feeling of anxiety.”
• “The past is but the beginning of a beginning”

Now let’s get to the main 5 inner speech training (I.S.T) techniques that will change your life.

1- Listening In: It involves getting in touch with your inner voice, a process that will lead to astonishing disclosures.

2- Underlining:
a) Review the procedures of listening in.
b) Identify the weakening words you hear in your thoughts and underline them.
c) Repeat them, write them down or say them out loud if you can.
d) Disconnect other people’s words from the words your inner voice is saying.
e) Break your damaging thoughts. Slow them down so you can really hear them.

3- Stopping:
a) When a negative message starts, stop it as soon as you can.
b) Une the one-word command STOP.
c) Be forceful, take charge, don’t allow the bad thoughts to continue.
d) Say the word STOP out loud when you can as in doing so, you strengthen your position.
e) Practice until you can stop the thought earlier each time you try.
f) Be on the alert for the most persistent messages.
g) Brake-the-thought, slow it down so you can hear it clearly.

4- Switching:
a) Talk to yourself in a sympathetic voice, you can stop unwanted dialogues more easily if you aren’t judgemental.
b) Have a switching thought ready to substitute for the thought you’ve just stopped.
c) Break your thoughts down into achievable parts. Be as specific as you can.
d) Be on the lookout for unfriendly critical voices. They have no right to invade your thoughts.
e) Don’t be discouraged if you fail. It takes time to learn a new way of thinking.

5- Reorienting:
a) Think of a truly helpful compliment that you once received. You then reorient toward your assets.
b) Think of what is genuinely important to you. You then reorient toward satisfying feelings.
c) Think of something to be excited about. You then reorient toward stimulating goal-directed ideas.

Here are 5 power shifts that will make this training easier:

Your internal speech:
Should be in your own adult voice.
Shouldn’t echo childhood guilt.
Shouldn’t set you up.
Should be in the present.
Should be appropriate to the given situation.

When I started reading this book, I was going through a rough patch, mentally and emotionally. This book distracted me from my own thoughts and helped me control them. I still struggle with negativity and self-doubt but I’m getting better at controlling my own thoughts. I can literally stop my mind from bringing up every fucked-up thing I had done. I am no longer my mind’s bitch. I am in the driver’s seat, while it’s locked in the trunk.

I genuinely hope all of you try these techniques or even give the book a try, it’s worth it.

PS: This book is also known as: “Beyond Negative Thinking: Breaking The Cycle Of Depressing And Anxious Thoughts”