Food is disgusting!

Change my mind.

I have been skinny my entire life. At first, it was because I moved too much and ate too little.

When I started eating fast food, I felt blessed and hungry. I started eating delicious food that made me feel like myself, but that was temporary.

Around 3 years ago, I stopped eating red meat, I only eat ground meat from time to time (JK, only in McDonald's cheeseburgers). Meat started tasting differently, in a bad way, I couldn’t keep it down and I couldn’t get over the smell it gives once it’s cooked. Not eating red meat made me dependent on Chicken of Turkey, I devoured white meat; it was my source of happiness, but that didn’t last either.

The older I got, the smaller my appetite became, I started eating less and less. I went from two big ass meals a day to one, then to one meal a week.

The reason I can’t eat a lot is that food started to disgust me, it doesn’t taste good anymore. I make most of my meals and I’m an excellent cook, but the food always ends up tasting like shit while the rest of my family like it. It looks like food, but it tastes like shit. Maybe if it looked like shit, it’ll taste like food (my favourite quote from the current book I’m reading)

I now eat to live, I don’t live to eat, and it suits me a lot. I started listening to my body and I give it what it needs when it needs it, I can’t force myself to eat because I will regret it for at least a week.

Last week, for my weekly meal, I asked my brother to get me a chicken sandwich; I was so excited but after the first bite; I realized that chicken started tasting like shit too, so white meat is on the list now. I think I can eat nuggets or the skin of fried chicken, but I’m not so sure.

Let me tell you what I ate yesterday: I had a giant cup of coffee with 4 small cookies at 2 pm, then I had a bag of chips around 5 pm, then I had a quarter of bread (khbiza) with cheese around 7 pm, then I had another cup of coffee of course (my drug of choice), then around 11 pm, I had another piece of bread and that was it.

But no, that’s not good for you. Eat more if you want to stay alive. I know that and as long as I’m standing and can move easily without feeling bloated; I don’t mind.

I rarely eat fruit, when I do, I eat the ones I’m allergic to (strawberries a7), and I rarely eat veggies, I try to eat food that doesn’t have a stale flavour, I’m a big fan of butter so I try to include it in my meals as much as I can.

I believe that my mental health affects my appetite a lot. When I’m depressed, I depend on snacks to fill the void. When I gain a bit of weight (which shows on my cheeks), I lose my appetite for at least a week until I lose that weight. I know I must see a professional, but I don’t think I’m mentally ready for that yet.

This is a very sensitive subject that I have wanted to share with you for a while. Please remember that whatever you do in your daily lives will affect youur mental health, so please be gentle with yourselves. Love you.